Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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