so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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