Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
