my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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