it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
