AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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