It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize