I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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