There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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