unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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