Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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