It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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