I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
