we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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