Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
