You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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