Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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