this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
