Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
