your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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