Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
