My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
