just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
