Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
