glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
