I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
