i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
