Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
