I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
