can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
