Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
