Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
In America we eat man semen.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
