Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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