i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
