So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
