You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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