Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
