Quick, to the slutcave!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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