Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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