My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
