i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize