It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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