well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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