you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
