Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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