He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
