You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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