Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
