Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Buhtt sex?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
