My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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