note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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