We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
