If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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