I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
zippers are such a cool invention
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize