Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
