i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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