i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
