for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
