my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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