My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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