Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
