I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
zippers are such a cool invention
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
