How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
