I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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