Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
