why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize