The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
