it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
