my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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