Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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