her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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