Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
