Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
