I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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