i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
