you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
