My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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