Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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