YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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