PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize