well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
