i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The air was thick with penises
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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