i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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