im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
