if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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