According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
