My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
