so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
