I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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