a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize