Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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