Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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