he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize