Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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